Communication Exercises for Couples Therapy: Therapist-Recommended Tips

Good communication skills between you and your partner can set you up to have a happy life together. Sometimes, people find it challenging to communicate with one another, and while that’s okay, sometimes it can lead to ‘make or break’ situations in couples.

In fact, bad communication skills, according to experts, are considered one of the leading causes of divorce.

Today, we will be discussing communication exercises for couples therapy and why it’s important that you start incorporating them today.

Are you looking for a couples therapist who is affordable and doesn’t sacrifice quality? Reach out to Dr. Invia today. He has years of experience working with couples to make sure that their relationship succeeds. 

He can schedule you for a free video consultation to get to know you and what you are looking for in a therapist. 

• Communication exercises for couples.  
• The benefits of communication exercises and how/who it can help. 
• The best counseling service in California. 
• When to seek therapy, and how couples can use therapy to improve their communication. 

Think of communication with your partner as a muscle. Every muscle needs exercise so that they can stay healthy and strong. The same applies to communication. 

Not only does it help reduce stress by eliminating the need to guess what the other person is thinking, but it can also significantly enhance your romantic life.  

Since you will be able to create a deeper sense of connection, it can enhance the emotional intimacy between you and your partner. 

Some goals of communication exercises are:  

• • Developing active listening skills between you and your partner.
  • Learning how to express your needs clearly. 
  • How to stop and understand situations from your partner’s perspective during heated arguments. 
  • Establish healthier communication patterns. 

Here are 14 fun communication exercises that you can start doing with your partner to try and strengthen your relationship.

According to byrepose.com; “The Gottman Method of couples therapy has been developed based on over 40 years of research and clinical work by husband-and-wife couple, psychologists and researchers, John and Julie Gottman. 

The foundation of the Gottman Method is based on creating mutual understanding and positive regard within the relationship.” In this exercise you will practice: 

• Taking a break after a disagreement, and stepping away for 20 minutes to regulate your physical responses. 
• During the aftermath, express how you felt during your fight and share your reality of what happened. 
• Understand your partner’s viewpoint and ask open-ended questions. This will help show that you care about your partner's feelings. 
• Practice expressing your feelings without blame, using only “I” statements to prevent defensiveness. 
• Brainstorm ways together afterwards on how to prevent similar conflicts in the future. 

If you’re not sure what active listening is, here is the definition: it is a communication skill that involves paying close attention to what someone else is trying to say to you, and responding in a way that shows you’ve understood them. 

When you get a chance, sit down with your partner and put away your phone or any other kind of distractions. Pick a topic, and take turns talking about it even if only for a short time. 

We all need a bit of validation occasionally. Validation exercises help you and your partner acknowledge and accept each other's feelings, experiences, and perspectives, recognizing them as equally valid even when you disagree. 

Additionally, these exercises can strengthen your emotional connection and demonstrate a deeper respect for each other's emotional experiences. 

You can start by acknowledging the emotion in the moment – an example; “I know that you are angry, and that’s understandable”. 

Avoid judgment or solutions, and instead use phrases like, “it makes sense that you feel…” or, “that must be really difficult.” 

Sometimes, when you talk to your partner, it may feel like they aren’t truly listening, or if they are, they aren’t understanding. 

That’s where mirroring exercises come in. Mirror exercises are straightforward: One person speaks, and the other person repeats the message from their own perspective to: A) Confirm that the partner understood the intended meaning, and B) Comprehend the impact of the words spoken.

The 40-20-40 process is another great communication exercise that helps couples have balanced conversations. 

This can be about anything. It divides the conversation into three phases with time allocations for each part. 

• Phase 1: For the first 40%, one person shares their own concern or issues. You focus on feelings and experiences from your own point of view, while explaining the impact it left on you.  
• Phase 2: Both of you now engage in the conversation. This is when you can ask questions to clarify things, and share your different perspectives while seeking understanding. 
• Phase 3: In the last 40% you brainstorm solutions together. Take the time to figure out some actionable steps and create specific agreements for the future. 

The breath forehead connection is one of the more intimate bonding exercises. This helps couples pace themselves and step away from the rapid pace of everyday life. 

It helps synchronize their energy and is most effective when couples are facing significant stress or need to take a moment to reconnect.

The Lend Me a Hand method is a non-verbal activity that uses your touch and hand movements to form connections. You will sit facing each other, being close enough to have hand contact. 

Then you will set a timer for 5-10 minutes and extend your hands to make palm-to-palm contact. Together you will speak through hand movements, expressing feelings through pressure changes or gentle movements.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. You will stand facing each other at arm’s length, and make eye contact with each other. 

Take three deep breaths, and set a timer for 3-5 minutes. Then you will hold each other while maintaining soft eye contact and observing your breath rhythms naturally. 

Stay mentally present without talking and take note of your emotional responses during this time.

Each partner will write 5-10 emotional words on a slip of paper, focusing on their current feelings, whether they are openly expressed or suppressed.

 It can range from more simple emotions to complex, but it’s important to be specific. You will then take turns selecting one word, and explain why you chose it. 

You can range the intensity of the emotion you are feeling from 1-10, 1 being minor and 10 being severe. Whenever your partner is talking, you can share similar experiences that you have gone through. Some example words are: appreciated, overwhelmed, hopeful, etc.

Creating stories about the future can be a powerful way to communicate what your hopes are. You can share personal stories, business stories, anything in general about the world around you. 

When you are having these one-on-one’s, you can use visual aids or even create a vision board together as a fun arts and crafts project. 

According to thebigpicture.com; “regardless of how great your vision statement is, its effectiveness is determined by how well it is communicated.

 Especially through periods of change, it is crucial to keep the vision front and center.” 

This is a fun and quick check-in exercise. It will help you to maintain regular communication about your emotional and mental state. 

It only takes 5 minutes, and should be used daily if you want to prevent communication gaps. 

You will take your stress/energy level on a scale from 1-10 using a quick share format. An example would be something like this:

Partner A: I’m at a 6 today. Work was challenging, but I had a good lunch break. I could use some quiet time tonight if there’s a chance. 

Partner B: I’m at an 8. The project we were working on at work went well, so I’m feeling energetic. I’d be happy to give you space and handle dinner. 

Related: Who will benefit from couple marriage counseling?

The Weekly Appreciation Schedule exercise focuses on gratitude. For each day of the week, you and your partner will come up with days where you focus on a single key area. 

For example, Mondays can be for more physical appreciation, like complimenting your appearance and giving more physical support. While on Tuesdays you will be focusing more on your emotional availability and showing understanding.

Silent Argument Resolution helps couples address their conflicts by using written exchanges rather than causing a verbal (and potentially hurtful) confrontation.

You will grab a paper and pen, and while sitting in the same room write about the situation and how it made you feel. 

Your partner will then read it and respond, writing about their own perspective after reflecting. You will continue this exchange until you reach a resolution that works. 

This is a more proactive exercise. You will take the time with your partner to create a personalized agreement about your communication needs, triggers, and your preferred responses. 

Don't think of it as something rigid and inflexible, but rather as a reference guide for navigating difficult conversations. 

You can include details such as the best times to talk, how you individually process information, and non-verbal cues to recognize.

If you are struggling emotionally or psychologically, and it’s beginning to affect your relationships and how you see the world, then seeking professional therapy is always a viable option. 

Located in California, San Jose Counseling is the top therapy service that we would recommend for both individual and couples counseling. Dr. Invia, the head therapist, is dedicated to providing compassionate and personalized therapy tailored to your unique situation. 

Recognizing that each individual faces distinct struggles, he aims to equip you with coping skills and guide you in creating a pathway for navigating life's challenges, promoting lasting growth and well-being. 

Schedule your free video consultation with him today. Next Related Reading: Top 9 Reasons You Need Marriage Counseling.

“How do I practice communication with my partner?” 

You can do various exercises to strengthen your communication skills. Some of them includes: 

• Mirroring Exercise 
• Lend me a Hand Exercise
• Validation Exercise
• Active Listening Exercise 
• Gottman’s Exercise 

“How do you fix poor communication in a relationship?” 

To fix communication in your relationship, you have to work at it everyday. 

It’s just like how you need to work out your muscles to remain strong. You can use fun exercises, even if it’s just for a few minutes each day.